Thursday, July 9, 2015

The Mixed Feeling of Getting Married, It Is All WORTH IT!!!

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There's a lot of anticipation and anxiety while planning a wedding, but this anxiety is maximum for us, bride and groom to-be. Nothing compares to our level of excitement, nervousness and happiness on our special day and this flood of countless emotions start right from the day our wedding is fixed.

The mixed feeling of being both, nervous and happy when we realize we will be getting married. The wedding is fixed, the dates are set and we can't stop smiling about it. We just eagerly wait for the day.

Suddenly our family and us have so much plan for the shopping, the invitations, the venue, etc. and we want everything to be just PERFECT. Family and friends from all over start pouring in to join us in our moment of joy. And we can't help but feel happy that all our loved ones are around is to share our happiness.

The flow of happy hug and congratulating doesn't stop. And everybody keep asking the same questions about how the wedding preparations going on. Suddenly it sinks in that we will not be a bachelor anymore. And our friends obviously want the bachelor party that they have been planning for ages.

Being the centre of attention makes us nervous but also makes us think of approaching wedding day. And everybody wants to know how we are feeling. The apprehension of starting a new life with new person is always there.

We start worrying about how we are going to cope with new family in-laws. And also about how well our parents get along, because we want our parents to be happy with our decision as well. As the wedding day closes in, we start getting cold feet. Did we make the right decision? Did we doing the right thing?

Finding our family and friends around to comfort us and calm us down overwhelms us. And it is moment when we realize we would be lost without them. We are still scared of something silly happening before our wedding. What if is starts raining?

And we are scared of how we will cope with the long tiring process of wedding. Nope. I can't. Yes. I can. Nope. Yes. On the wedding day, our heart beats faster than a hummingbird's wings, because we are so so so nervous. And every time we look in the mirror, we give ourselves a nervous smile.

But when we finally see our life-partner to-be, all our fears vanish and we glow with happiness. And that's when we know, everything has and will turn out fabulous. Everything is going perfect and the fact that we have our parents' blessings for this just makes us happier.

Marriage is magic that takes two people to create and lasts a lifetime. May this marriage is protected by Allah SWT and be long lasting until Jannah. In shaa Allah. 

Aliah Syazwani binti Ibrahim

Friday, May 22, 2015

Overcoming My Fear of Getting Married!!!

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During my youngster day, I have never thought of getting married at an early age. Whenever my friends brought up this matter, I will be the one who always avoid such discussion. I always told my close friends that I don't have any plan on getting married so soon and I told them I will only get married at the age of 28 years old (This statement had been repeatedly told whenever people asked when I'm getting married).

I admitted that I've been through breakups (a few times), be heartbroken, fall into million pieces and many more relationship stages. At one point, I'm giving up with relationship because I'm freaking tired to go through all steps after one breakup to another new relationship again and again. The ice breaking stage, then fall deeply in love, the hurdles part and more. Oh boy, it's very tiring and exhausting. 

But until early last year I started to be so sure that I wanted to get married, and the longer I dated Ridhwan, the more sure I was that he was the right one for me. Then last year on 9 Aug 2014, we got engaged.

Ridhwan's proposal wasn't a surprise. I was too nosey to not know it was happening, and I enthusiastically said yes the moment he asked. However, once it happened (in a sweet and thoughtful way, I should add), I began to feel these nagging questions eating away at me: 
Did I really want to be married? 
Would we be any good at it? 
Could I handle all the house chores? 
Could I be a devoted wife (I'm a very hardworking woman and I would say my career is my top priority and I still want to work even after we got married - I told this to Ridhwan too)? 
My major concern is my family. Can he accept and love my family they way I do?
This questions keep on playing on my mind like all the time. 

Are these mixed feelings just a wedding jitter or perhaps I'm just nervous of getting married and becoming someone's wife and no more mama/baba's little girl. Being someone's boyfriend/girlfriend based relationship is totally different compare being a husband/wife. When you are married, you hold a huge responsibilities. You have to hold onto each other through thick and thin, during good bad times and always be there to support each other.

The fact that I'm just a human with flaws, I don't want to be a perfect wife or having a perfect marriage. Maybe all I need is just love, trust and toleration between us (the list might go on perhaps!) To be honest, I am scared. I just want everything to be just fine. I still hope that the sparks still there after many years of marriage or when I'm old or when I'm fat and ugly. 

With only 70 days left until we tied the knot, I just hope that everything will be just fine and I hope I am ready to start my life and open my new book with the one that l choose to be my husband. What happen next after we get married, I still don't know and I don't have the answer. We will just see then and pray for our smooth sailing. In shaa Allah. 

Aliah Syazwani binti Ibrahim 🌸